Shorts again cause i can

Lets talk about change! I know I've written another post concerning people changing, but this topic needs to be revisited because I have been in this bubble. This huge bubble of trying to be me but without changing. I feel like so many people have changed but I know I don't have the right to get angry because I just don't. But people are allowed to change so what is wrong with me? why do I feel like they're not allowed. I'm so hateful that its depressing. I think I'm jealous. Of course I am. They're becoming better at life and I am slowly falling into my hole. I should change. I shouldn't want to be stuck being this awkward person. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. I hate myself.
Happy Late April Fools and Happy late Easter.
byes.

I believe in magic :)

Today I watched Grey's Anatomy. I think it was season 6 and there's this one part, where the blonde pediatrician was explaining to the other doctors about entering pediatrics. And she says :

"These are tiny humans. These are children. They believe in magic, they play pretend, there is fairy dust in their IV bags and they cross their fingers and they make wishes and that makes them more resilient than adults. They recover faster, survive worse. they believe. In Peds, we have miracles and magic and in Peds, anything is possible. "


With all my heart, I felt the love. And it felt like a huge sign. I feel more sure and more pumped up to be as good as any doctor. I have this thing, where I'm afraid. I'm so afraid of failing. I'm afraid of the vivah exams where i have to speak and tell them what is what. I am so scared. The most craziest things in my life always make the most afraid. I need to brave up and go for it. There shouldn't be anything stopping me from being good right? 
I hate when I think too much and especially when there are doubts in my life. Decisions suck! 


Farewell humans.

How Vitagen saved me

In my last post I said that I drank wine. I didn't mention that I drank wine on an empty stomach. I'm an idiot. Don't ever drink wine on an empty stomach. It hurts your insides. So I at night I was trying to sleep and I couldn't. My stomach was hurting. It was burning from the inside. I felt like ripping out my skin and just pouring cold water all over my insides. I could have woken up my parents, but that wouldn't have helped me at all. The last time I had such terrible gastric I went to my parents. They gave me vitagen and I sipped it and slept. So this time I was like, i don't want to wake them up cause they won't be able to help me. I ended up going downstairs and watching tv and I tried to sleep on the couch, but I couldn't. The pain was really very terrible. Lucky me, I checked the fridge and there was vitagen! 

This is vitagen: 

I like the white one. So i sipped that and as time went on, my stomach got better. This all went up to 5am and I wasn't even sleepy! Can you believe that? With all that pain I should have been worn out. The next day, I told my mother that I couldn't sleep and that it hurt very badly and she just laughed and said, next time you shouldn't drink wine. -_- Great parenting. Sigh.

Whenever I get gastric it's just terrible. It really burns. I don't know if it's just me? If you people get  this kind of pain then I feel your pain, literally. Last year was just one of those years where I got sick a lot. I think it's partially because I wanted to get sick. Anyways, what you can take from this post is that you should never drink wine on an empty stomach! 

Farewell humans.

How nice to see you again :)

I am going to try and make this post a happy one. I don't know if it's possible but I will try. I mean I should try.

So today was my grandmother's birthday. See that's a happy start right? Anyways, in the afternoon my aunty came with her 3 children and we cut the cake and all that and my parents had gone to work and sister had gone for tuition. So we were watching tv and they said lets have some wine. So I took out what I thought were the wine glasses and we poured ourselves some wine. And I realize that I don't really like wine. :S I mean I took a really long time to drink it compared to the other 2. But they are older than me so I guess experience is a factor here. And I felt really weird because even though I know I am of legal age now, I don't feel like an adult. Maybe it's because I don't want to feel like and adult. woah...need to get back to happy thoughts.

So that happened and it was really cool cause it was like 3 generations. :D So yeah. Urm, being the very mainstream person that I am, I've been listening to Stay by Rihanna feat Mikky Ekko. It's very soothing. And I like the fact that the only instrument involved is the piano..I think ok maybe like 1 other instrument?..and then you have the voices. It goes very beautifully together. The simplicity in the song is very refreshing.

Happy thoughts......well, I've got none... none that I would like to share? I don't know. I feel worried. I don't know why. Well, life goes on.
farewell humans.

You....tube? sure

I need to socialize. Seriously. I know I'm bad at it and people will think I'm weird and all that other stuff but I feel like maybe if I socialize with people more, I get better at it? Practice makes perfect? I just want to talk to someone. I feel like everyone is just disappearing and there's no way for me to say anything. Yes, blogging is stress relief but I want to talk. Like use my mouth to say stuff. Why do I feel like this. It's not fun. Especially when you know that you're stuck at home and talking to people face to face in real life is quite difficult. Why have I become this person? What did I do damn it! -_-

Anyways, I just wanted to introduce to you guys some people on youtube who are fun to watch. Urm, I'm pretty sure most of the world already know but if you don't then here they are :
nigahiga (Ryan Higa),
kevjumba (Kevin smtg.. I'm a terrible fan.. I know),
charlieissocoollike (Charlie Mcdonnel..i think that's the right spelling? I dunno :S),
AmazingPhil (Phil Lester),
danisnotonfire (Daniel Howell... one L or two L...i dunno :S),
theDOMINICshow (D-trix),
JennaMarbles (Jenna smtg...Marbles?..I seriously suck -_-),
nerimon (Alex Day),
chestersee (Chester.. See?..I suck)

Ya.... that's some of them. I'm a bad fan. (insert picture of fan here)

BYE!

I don't have a title for this post..I am too lazy to think of one :)

I've been on youtube a lot. Why? Cause I can yo.
Urm, I've been on youtube a lot because I found a new youtuber. Daniel Howell? Yeah and also Phil. I don't know Phil's full name :S Bad fan.
Anyways, their youtube channels are danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil.
They're both actually quite cool. They're very interesting story tellers. I guess that's why they're so easy to listen to. And they're very down to earth and just cool dudes basically. But not the kind of cool where you want to punch them. The kind of cool that makes you want to be their friends. So yeah. IF anyone in the world cares to read my blog, you should definitely go check them out.

So, the issue has been resolved. I decided to let it go. What else can I do right? I told myself to be the bigger person and just get on with life. I talk a lot these days, and I think I've actually started talking sense compared to talking about rubbish. I enjoy a good intelligent conversation. It keeps the mind going.

I've been having nightmares. I don't like them. I'm always in situations where I am scared but nothing weird happens. I just know that I'm supposed to be scared. I don't like these dreams. The weird thing is, I don't wake up sweating. Usually when I have a bad dream I sweat and my heart beats very fast. I had a dream once, about a dinosaur chasing me and my family. it was like a Jurassic Park dream and I woke up panting and sweating from that dream. But these dreams I'm like ---- wake up with fast heart beat, then go back to realizing that I have to actually wake up now because it's already late morning--- Life I tell you.

I've been thinking about love a lot. It's depressing. I basically hate the world. -_-
What to do? Life goes on. Ok then, farewell people. :)

Change for who?

So, today I was called beautiful. Interesting feeling when someone compliments you. I came back home and I looked at my face and asked myself "What do they see that I don't see?". I made up my mind that my hair looked nice but my face..yeck...hmmmm...yes, I am too self conscious but the difference between me and the rest of the world is that I don't do anything about my look. I may hate it and myself, but I feel like if you don't like this version of me, then you probably won't like all the other versions of me.

People change. I think for normal people, these changes happen gradually. Unfortunately a person close to me is changing and instead of the normal gradual change, its the sudden out of the blue change. I don't know if I should accept it. This person is probably doing it to punish herself and is trying to be a good girlfriend. I think it's stupid because we're all still young and that we should do whatever that young people are supposed to do. We should do things that we won't be able to enjoy when we're old. I just want to try things out. See if I like them. If I don't, then at least I've already tried them. I won't wonder about it and I won't regret not doing them. She said.. "it's not me.I don't think I'll fit in. I'd rather be alone". This was sudden, considering that we've been planning to do this for some time now. In all truth I am angry and really disappointed. I don't know whether I should accept it or get all bitchy in her face. I should probably just accept it right? I shouldn't care. It's her life. She can go ahead and choose whatever she wants, but I choose to know how different things are. I don't want to be in the dark. Another part of me thinks, maybe this friendship wasn't meant to last for so long. Maybe it should have ended long ago. But then it doesn't feel right. I don't know. I should wait things out and see how they are. Well, life goes on right?

And I shall leave you with that. :)
Farewell humans.