Talking to myself

It's hard. I thought I was totally normal with everything. I thought I'd be content with graduating..but now. It feels like I might be sad. But maybe it's because every time you finish something and start something else, you feel a sense of sadness. Not because you're leaving much, but maybe because you know that what's to come may be worse than what you've already gone through. It's more of a feeling that maybe you're not done in this category. You make friends and you think that they won't really last. But what if it's just started to last? What if you've just started to feel that there's more to it. There's more to this category. And the feeling of wonder and regret lingers in your head. But you can't do anything. And then the realization that nothing last's forever, is a real thing because nothing really does last forever. Everything is a stage.Except death. Unless you believe in the afterlife. But if you don't, then death is the last stage. When you die maybe you go into this eternal calming sleep state that you totally deserve because you are a good person. Or maybe it is another stage. Maybe not a stage that leads to the afterlife or reincarnation but it's a stage leading to something greater. What if it's all a lie? What if your being is someones sick and twisted way of entertainment?

I think too much. I think way too much. I need to breathe. Like seriously need to just chill the hell out. I want to be a star. I want to be recognized for my talents and want to be a superstar. But....it's not possible. I should get rid of these thoughts. I should. These things will hold me back from what I am supposed to be doing. I'm not supposed to be a singer. If i was, I wouldn't have turned out so shy and weird-like. I'm not supposed to be a dancer. If I was, I would have been more flexible. I'm supposed to be a doctor. I mean it's written everywhere isn't it. And even then, it is a good profession. I will be doing good. And I like doing good. So I would be doing something that I like...right? But what do I do? I go along with it. I've been going along with everything so far, so why stop now.

Farewell Humans.

Stars in the sky

I can't wait for Les Misérables! I mean.. I heard about it on Glee first and thought it was a lie...Then I heard about it on the radio TODAY and now I'm like...come faster Christmas! lol What a better way to spend Christmas :P I love musicals and love the whole cast. I can't wait to watch it and totally fall in love with it :)

I wish we wouldn't all be so clouded in our own thoughts. 
I wish we would open our eyes a little bit more to possibilities.
I wish we could look at the starts and feel one with them.
I wish we could run fast enough just so we could breathe again.
I wish the days would end just so I could dream again.

You know, I want to be different. I want to live in ways I wish I could. I want to feel life in me. I want to feel happiness and not a hole that is never closed. Sometimes I wonder if this hole, this feeling of unhappiness is the whole reason of being alive. Or maybe one of the reasons? 

This feeling is overwhelming and I can't stop the way I feel. I don't know what to do. I wish I had been different. I wonder about life a lot. In the end, is it all worth it? 
Sing my worries away you say? I tried. It just comes back. More heart-aching than before. More thought provoking. More lively, like a fire that cannot be controlled. A splash of water excites it more. Makes it want to be more alive. 

Forgive the ranting. Forgive the randomness. Take one thing with you before you go though. Life is what you make of it. 

Farewell humans.

Hello humans

Hello everybody! Hi! Well.. I got sick on Monday, missed college on Tuesday, went today and survived! YEAHH! and tomorrow is the last day of classes. Friday is my bio final, next Monday is data final, and next Wednesday is chemistry final. After that, I have graduation on the 13 then I am free for like 6 months maybe. Oh and tomorrow I also have Chemistry presentation. Truthfully, I don't want to care but I AM FREAKING OUT! damn it. I'm just gonna go and be as boring as hell because I effing can! Hell yeah!

DANIEL SLOSS THE COMEDIAN IS SO FUNNY AND SEXY! I mean, I've seriously fallen for his awesomeness. He's like super funny yo. Lol I hope one day he Google-s himself and finds this. And if you are reading this, you are like really funny. I think you're very brave for many reasons and you're like just hilarious and ...basically when I'm down nowadays I just get on youtube and find you, cause I can laugh like A LOT! But start doing more! I want to laugh more :D

I wrote like a long as hell letter to my so called pen-pal today, and I basically talked about my life and one thing I mentioned was how I don't really like anybody in college. LOL. What I mean is, I'm not attracted to anybody in college. Some of the boys are like really hot but..nowadays..to me, it's like..oh you're hot..and? and what? are you nice? How's your personality. I just don't want to like a guy just because he's got amazing looks. I want to like a guy who's nice and is someone special in my life. :) ALSO, I know that there's no way I could get guys t like me..so.. -_- yes
byeee