One of my big mistakes

Today..22 November, is my ex-best friends birthday. The only reason we're ex-best friend's is because of me. I've made mistakes and not fighting for our friendship is probably one of the biggest mistakes I've ever done. Of course I made new friends but still..I sometimes wish I hadn't done what I did. We were friends for 3 awesome years..Of course there always has to be some sort of drama in my life. We ended up going to the same secondary school and she was worried that we wouldn't be friends anymore. I told her that we would always be. I didn't keep my promise.

You see, she's an amazing person. And she's the kind of person that attracts popular people. I, on the other hand, am different. I attract the kind of people I know I can be normal with. We got into different classes and I started hanging out with my group more than with her group of people. I didn't really like her group of people. I mean, yes. Popularity. Which high school girl would turn down popularity...sub-conciously...Me. And.....I just let the friendship go because I felt more comfortable with my group more than hers. She's the best person I've ever known and I will never forget her.
It seems that she's been keeping contact with this other girl from our primary school. This other girl always wanted to be her best friend. Like she tried separating us from sitting together on many occasions and she was just annoying. And now, it seems like they're very close friends and.....IT fucking KILLS ME. It kills me to know that...I was that much of a terrible friend, that my friend confided in this other girl. But the only person to blame is me and I should start accepting that. I should not care anymore. I did apologize for being a terrible person and she accepted my apology and yet, I still don't feel right. I guess... I wish I had done things differently.. Even then, what is life if not for mistakes.
So Happy Birthday. You're 18. It'll be a good day :)

Farewell humans

Nothing really.

OH MAI GOODNESS! LIFE, WHY?! WHY!?

Mother of God.....Fishstick,fiddlesticks, flyingfish, farrrrrrrrrrrrr...k.

-_- I swear......Just. God.

Nevermind.....I watched stand up comedy on youtube and I feel better now. Fuck Tomorrow. We'll see what happens. I wish it goes my way.....basically FML.

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Believe it or not......it went my way. I mean..wow. I wonder why the universe is playing with me again....Isn't this enough?

My stomach hurts...for some reason....I'm gonna get stomach ulcers -_-.
I get hungry at the wrong times....life.

I finished my Bio presentation and Chemistry test today was ok I guess. What else....Oh yes!
Dez Duron's version of feeling good is drool-worthy. I mean his voice is like silky. :)
Melanie Martinez is so unique! She's a true original. :)
I've got a lot more to talk about the contestants on The Voice...but..I'll dedicate a whole post for them..later on. :)

2 more days till the weekend. Just 2 more days...feels like 10.. :S

Ahhh damn you stomach...stop hurting :(

Ok...This was about nothing...

Farewell humans.

I just came to say hello.. :)

Well, college starts again tomorrow. Sigh...so not ready to face whatever that comes my way. But that's why I put up an act that the world is so familiar with. College for 2 more weeks. Then next next week Friday is Bio paper and then Monday is Data then Wednesday is Chemistry. After that I won't have anything to do. But on the 13th is graduation..so I guess after the 13th I'll be done with college. Woohoo :) It's good though. I mean I'm going to be done with this section of my life. I'm fine. I like holidays more anyways....actually Holidays make me very depressed. Maybe because I'm worrying about after the Holidays? But look at my life this way...after college I won't have anymore things to do..hence no worrying. I think.

I actually did stuff today. Feels good. At least, I know when I put my mind to doing something, I can do it :). Whole of next week:
a) Chem project
b) Bio test
c) Data test

Busy busy week. I'll get through it. I always do. That's confidence right there. It's rare when it comes from me, so remember it. :)

I read like all my posts...I mean briefly went through...and I complain about my life a lot. I just complain and complain and complain. I have mentioned that this is the place that I feel, I should be allowed to complain about me....but yeah.. guess I should tune down the emo-ness too. But I am female and my hormones are always all over the place...so yeah. Ok. I will try my best to talk about happy things in my next post? I don't know...we'll see.
Farewell Humans. :)

Happy late Deepavali..and commence emoness..

So, 2 days ago was my Birthday. Also yesterday was Deepavali..the festival of lights. It was nice-ish (13th November)
It was good. We had many people over and we played with firecrackers and it was fun. I've realized I'm the kind of person who would rather hang out with little kids rather than mingle around with..'adults'. Technically, since I have finally reached the age of being called an adult, I should maybe put more effort into hanging out with older people...but they're so hard to talk to and...children are easy.. It's like "Hi, whats your name?, how old are you?..you wanna play with balloons and firecrackers?" See..soo easy. With adults it's all talk. Sigh, my opinion.

I watched a Hindi movie called Like Stars on Earth. Starring Aamir Khan, who might I say is very cute. It's a bout this little boy who has trouble reading and writing then his parents send him away to a boarding school and a teacher helps him out. I cried a lot. Maybe it's my love towards children or maybe it's the kindness and love some people have...but I cried a lot. I was just...I don't know. It made me happy yet sad. There's this one point where the little boy goes into depression and I know how that feels. To be alone in the world, to feel like nobody can help you. You feel like you're trying your best but people keep on bringing you down and you don't even know why. I know the feeling.

And now I'm sad........ Maybe I should just keep up the act of this feeling happy. Smiling and talking as if I've got my life under control....I am far from that. Far from happiness. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Do I really want to become a doctor? DO I want to torture myself for so many years? Do I? What do I want? .......................but Life has no time for me to answer myself ..it goes on and I am to be what I am to be.

These tears....they stain my cheek and I wipe them away. We must not let the others see. We must be strong and handle life. We must not be weak. We must...............live on. But why live on? When we don't want to....when all we want is to not exist. To be gone.................But it goes on...everything goes on. Everything is a phase and we're to adapt to these phases. It goes on..

Farewell humans.

No thoughts.

I was in the train. I thought of something. Something that I wanted to share here. I wanted to share it because it was worth sharing. Another post about life. It is a usual post, but I thought it worth sharing. It's about me. Yes. About me. This thought was more of a revelation. About me. A revelation, about me.

I am a bitter person. A very bitter person. I have people that I dislike, but I also have people that I just outright hate. Hate is a strong word to use. You really have to mean it to use it. I really hate these people. Being this bitter person is tiring. I want to know why I allow myself to be so bitter. I want to know what makes me bitter. People make me bitter. Is it the fact that I am jealous of these people and so leading me to be a bitter person. Or is it the fact that I feel these people have the brain the size of a pea -_- and coping with their stupidity makes me a bitter person..

*Unrelated*
We put on a show for the world.
(*side note*...I tried to blog..but I couldn't think..so what you see at the top is what I've been typing out for the past 2 days -_- I suck I know..OK)
I am still not able to be deep.... I mean I want to tell you how we're all fake and that none of us are really real to any one person in this world...not even ourselves..and yet it's ok..It doesn't mean you're some silent psychopath..you're human. So don't worry about that.

Sigh.....my words fail me for some reason. It's because I want to say more I want to tell the real reasons to what has happened and yet I'm afraid of what others think of me..I'm insecure and it fucking sucks -_-

Well, I don't think I can squeeze anymore things to tell you....not that i said much anyways.. :(
Farewell humans.

Losing my mind damnit

   It feels like my life has added up to nothing. I don't know. Is life...the friends we have or is it the closeness of a relationship? Do we all base our lives according to a specific moment? Like when we're not talking to someone because we fought with them, do we allow the feelings of that event to control the rest of our daily doings? Is that what life is? Where each event affects the next? Is there no consistency to life? Is that the reason why we all have different lives? Because we were never supposed to be consistent in life? We were just supposed to live it in the present...and yet somehow allowing the past or even future events to disturb our living of that present time? That's a lot of questions. But....looking at it that way...basically...it's you who decides. You. Me. I decide. Not really entirely true. Well, I mean, you don't decided which school you first start off with. You don't decide whether or not it will rain on a day that's supposedly a good day for you..External factors really matter....and people with authority.

   Yes well, I think I'm losing my mind. I'm am not a fan of ghost stories or scary movies. My mind  forces me to think about it after and it just freaks me the hell out. It's probably because of Halloween, but images of all the evil movies I've ever watched have been playing in my mind..and I'm scaring myself :( I'm such a paranoid human being. Sigh..... Well I must think of rainbows and hot guys :P

    OMG guess what! There won't be a second season of Jane by design. :( I'm really sad because I was actually very fond of it. It was such a cute series..like literally..Billy is CUTE. :D heh..yes but the plot was interesting too.. :( sigh... OMG guess what?! Gossip Girl started! :D WOOHOO! I'm so girly, I love it!

Update on life..well the two people I talked about... nothing really. I think one has a girlfriend and the other disappears a lot. Extra info: I have never talked to either of these people. I know all these by just observing..no not like a stalker.. :P

Well anyways.. bye farewell humans :)

Love bro. :P

I feel so sick. My nose is blocked and my life hurts very much. I basically want to die. However I have to study, since there's M'sian Studies final exam. I didn't go to college and I feel bad. It's just that I feel so sick damn it. My whole body wants to shut down. I want to shut down. Sigh..But anyways, I must get back to my studying. I can do this. I must pass. I'm frigging superwoman..so yes. I shall continue this post later.

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Later:
Well M'sian Studies finished. I'm happy bout that. :D Now to be done with Bio and Chem ISU, then I'll be fine..sigh. Dear god..... I've been thinking about how I don't fit in and how I'm a weirdo and well...basically the usual. It's depressing at times but sleep and reading good books help. :) I finished The Notebook and Ellen Degeneres's book, Seriously...I'm kidding. Awesome book. It's a book where you just read to know more about Ellen and her thoughts. I enjoyed it because Ellen is such a funny being and shes's so good-hearted. She's a real sweet human being and I think more people should look up to her. <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">
(I wrote something after the heart thingy and then it didn't come out right..I forgot what I wrote :S)

Yesterday, I came back from college and took a bath and then I did the most horrible thing a person could do to themselves.... I looked in the mirror. Dear goodness sake. I am fat. Yes, I am. I'm not proud of it. I don't want to be skinny. I just want to have a flat stomach and less fat. Not skinny..slim maybe? Yes, that was a terrible moment. I slept super early and I loved it. I swear I love sleep. I'm pretty sure that was one of God's gift to humans :) heh

So, i have a friend that I email. This human ( i don't want to say if it's a girl or a boy :P) is such a sweet being. This human makes me feel like someone cares about me and actually want's to know about my boring as hell life. Today i get an email from this being and from the time I start reading it and till I'm finished, I'm smiling. At one point, this being calls me an angel, and I'm just all smiles and Maroon 5 is playing on my headphones and it's one of those moments which I'll probably remember for life.

I've got stuff to do today. Study data! And do all my god-forsaken chemistry lab reports. :P meh..I'm happy now so that should help. Anyways ,when i remember something nice to blog about, I will.
Farewell humans. Love one another :D (inspired by Ellen's closing quote on her shows which is "be kind to one another") She's a doll  :)