I'm such an Idiot

I could laugh at myself...I really could. I was one week early...for Fathers day I mean...I did wish him though, but he's in India so yep. Lol but realizing that I'm one whole week early...was like...WOW.. I realized that I am so stupid. Even I could't believe the amount of stupidity and retardedness that had gone into even thinking that i was early... I didn't even bother to check if i was late...Then throughout the week, the kept on saying on the radio about father;s day gifts and things you could do for your father..and I'm like, its already passed and then my mother says, you better call him on Sunday and wish...and then of course it clicked...I'm so weird i tell you..Of course i ended up laughing about the post before. LOL...amazed at myself.

Yes well that's that. I could remove the post...but where's the fun in that :P
Since it's a holiday now, I am terribly happy. I wish it would never end. :( Unfortunately in 4 weeks time, I've got college again, JOY.

I hate fake people. Just really hate them....actually i just hate people in general. All are idiots who use you. Well, I'm lazy so GOODBYE.

Forgive me Father :S

I'm a terrible daughter. I forgot about Father's day. But he went golf-ing so I guess I can use that as an excuse? I don't know..... I'm a terrible daughter nevertheless.
I was thinking of getting him something as soon as my exams finish but i realized that he's leaving on the same day my exam finishes. No he's not leaving at night, he's leaving early morning. Joyful. :S
Terrible daughter.
Another reason to why I'm probably going to hell.
Well Physics is tomorrow. I lent my calculator to a friend on Friday and she's supposed to meet up with me tomorrow but that bloody idiot is not answering her phone or replying me back. Now I have to rely on asking my sisters to lend me their calculator or asking another friend. I swear I should start getting angry and scolding people.
I'm such a pushover. I hate that about me (one of the many things I hate about myself) I wish i could get angry and come up with awesome comebacks without getting emotional and allowing tears to flow. I hate that. Whenever i feel someones going to get angry at me I back out. Fucking idiots, if only i could talk better you fools would have gotten it good by now. sigh. life

I shouldn't complain about my life so much. Other things in the world that are more important. Like people who are starving, war, global warming, animal cruelty....and the list goes on.
Just a selfish creature I am. Well makes me more human don't you think, being selfish and all.

I don't belong in this world. I really don't. I just don't fit in anywhere. I'm probably a loner, but i don't really enjoy being lonely. hmm.

Physics sucks. Don't know how I'm going to do in it. I've already got 58% which is out of 70, now all i have to do is get 25% out of 100 for this final exam and I'll get 65%+. Because I need that 65% to be able to do medicine in the country that i have chosen to go to. . yup. i need 65% and above for all the important one.... Bio, Chem, Physics and one math subject. I'll be taking bio and chem plus one other subject next term. Looking forward to bio. :) Hope i get what i need now for physics cause that's my only concern right now. Physics and I don't really get along. It's just never enters my head. sigh...

Oh yes....a shout out to whoever that reads my blog. Just cause you guys can handle all my complaining and my nonsense and my terribly PMS-y moods. and in any case that no one actually reads my blog....... the shout out would be quite of no use. so yes..lol.
Well, goodbye then.

Not a good idea posting this

Dear whoever that is out there,

I give up. This is me giving up. Saying I don't care because I can't do it anymore. I don't want to do it anymore. Every time I get angry, i feel selfish. The fact is that I just don't give a fuck anymore. The only time when I'm at my happiest is when that little angel of mine is around. He's happy to see me which makes me happy to see him even more. He's probabaly the only person in the world who prefers me to the other 2. I love that boy. Of course he loves his mother more but his mother is a good one so yeah.

I want to disappear forever. I don't ever want to come back here. I want to go somewhere else and be somebody. but what if that other place is the same as this one...do i run again. I have never run. and now wanting to do it makes me feel so out of place. Sometimes i find it unfair that I am the person I am now. Why choose me to be the awkward one? Why did I have to turn out like this.? and yes i do blame that unseen force. I'm not afraid to blame because I know I'm going to hell. It doesn't matter how much good you do...the only thing that matters is that if you even do one like really bad thing you'll probably be going to hell too. See you there.

I've got no one to talk to. No one i can REALLY talk to. Why would you people want to know about me anyways.? I'm not interesting. I've got no personality. I'm the kind of person who has to 'act' in a way whenever i first meet someone. I hate all of you.

I sound like the kind of person who's insecure (yes very much), all about me (if only you fools knew), and a person who complains too much ( fuck you. I only complain to few people. I don't go around telling the world about my life...and yet this shit is on the internet....this is probably not wise at all...fuck).

Giving up...the best thing to do. I want to smoke and drink and get pissed high and then i want to get a massive hangover and then a i want to die. I just don't care anymore......................

Rant about Life

I start to back away whenever I feel I'm getting emotionally connected to something. That's probably why I'm my own bomb. As much as i want all that romance nonsense i don't think I will allow it for myself when the time actually comes. I think this is probably due to the fact that I am scared. That I don't want to allow anyone to really know me because I think if i let anybody in, they'll just end up hurting me and leaving me. By the was, this does not only apply to boyfriend-girlfriend things. This also applies to friendship and probably also family relationships. Maybe that's why I'd rather take care of kids than socialize with people my age. Because people my age want to know about me while children don't really care. As long as you're nice to them and treat them the right way, they'll be happy. While people..adults all want to KNOW about you. They want to know what you've been through, they want to know how you're doing.

Or maybe, i just don't want someone to take care of me. I mean I want someone to take care of me but maybe sub-consciously i don't want that emotional connection . Maybe I want to be independent and live by my own terms. I'm not sure. Could this be another reason to why I'm so anti-social?..Probably not.

On the brighter side of life.... Exams are starting this Friday.. -_-
joyful.
But whatever said and done i just can't wait till they're over. I can't wait to get out of this country. :D
I probably should be studying Physics....damn my life. Gonna fail that -_- hope not..then I'll have to take it next semester and I am most definitely not looking forward to that. I'm looking forward to Biology and Data Management for next sem. Chemistry not so much.. heard it was tough. :S
I didn't plan on blog-ing today, but my other-self got the better of me.
I need to start disciplining myself...damn it. I'm such a lazy procrastinator. This will be then end of me I say! sigh.
I'm gonna go die now...no not really just going to go and try and study and if i can't do physics I'll just do Advanced functions. Should probably take a bath first :S
oook! fare-the-well.

Regret- one of many

I remember promising that we would be friends till forever. I remember being so certain about our friendship. I remember you worrying about us while i was confident about us. I also remember when i realised i wanted to change. I remembered placing new things before you. I remember trying to get along with the people you called friends. We were two different human beings. You liked the ones who spoke like they were high and mighty while i preferred the ones who were real. The ones who seemingly wouldn't back stab me. Even before the only reason i was accepted into the 'cool' group was because of you. You gave me the chance to live the life of someone who had friends from both groups..you might say.

Don't get me wrong, I liked the attention, hated the drama. They knew i was not so called 'high-class' just the same as i did. You are the kind of friend that should be kept but i let you go, because i wanted to see how it would be if i were alone. I took the chance to change. I did. And i regret because i know i hurt you. and for that i will never forgive myself. I have apologized to you and i really do mean it. I really am sorry of the person that i was and even sorrier for the person that i have become.

But life goes one. Losing you was a mistake, apologizing was the right thing but nothing can ever ease the guilt that i have for leaving you, for not keeping my promise, because you were one of my best-est friends. I do love you cause I only have you to thank for the person i was but I only have me to blame for the person that i have become.

The best thing to do would be to forget you. Because its all over and its never going to be like how it used to be. Be happy. Live goes on and it won't stop even if you make the smallest or biggest mistake. Live it like how you would want to live it.