Not One of You.

'oh oh oh oh ohhh I'm in love with Judaaas Judaas"- Lady Gaga 

We all have a question in our brains......not one question but many questions. Yet if there was a person who came up to you and told you that he had the answers to everything, would you ask him all those question? Would you use him like he wants you to or would you brush him off?

This feeling, has not exactly worn of yet. I'm questioning life. Sitting on my bed and just wasting my time, I think. "Why am I even alive?" " It's not like I'm doing anything useful. I feel numb. It's like I shouldn't but should in fact be here" but i will never know. Of course I'm a person who thinks about suicide.I've actually started to wonder if there is any person in the world who has never contemplated suicide..or at least thought about it. Just another wasted day in the life of being this human being.

Facebook, i was going through today. I saw many things which of course, ended up saddening me. Would you like to know? no? Well, I'm going to tell you anyway. The first thing was looking at photographs of this female i envy so much. I envy her because she's so pretty and because she knows who she is. She's got an amazing boyfriend and so may close friends and is admired because she is who she is..not giving a fuck about the world and all. sigh. The second thing was when i came across pictures of people having fun and socializing and wondering how they don't feel awkward in those situations. Such an anti-social, social anxiety-ed and depressing person I am. No wonder my friends are all distancing themselves from me. It may be for the best.

"oh my..that bitch with all her self pity...so tired of it. why can't she just shut the hell up. Nobody friggin cares. Go back to your f***ing corner and cry because that's the only thing you'll ever be good for..stupid bitch."

My inner thoughts right there. So mean she is don't you think? sigh, she brings me down a lot. but I live with her, cause without me, she'd have no friends..she doesn't deserve friends, she's too mean. I'm a nice person but I'm nothing like the rest of the world. I'm not like you people who show your talents and be who you are. I'm different. I'm scared. I'm too humble for my own good. but I'm nice and I'm not that stupid. I'd be able to have somewhat of an intellectual conversation. But oh how the world lacks of that.

A picture for the unknowns?

Ya that looked kinda cool :)

Also, today is Tom Hardy's birthday.. you might know him as Bane from Batman. He's so sexy. I had a dream where he was going to kiss me, and then I woke up. Life is unfair sometimes, sigh. but to the ohsoveryamazinglysexy Tom Hardy, a happy happy birthday to you my love. :)

Isn't he just drool-worthy? *salivating* lol

Well then everybody, goodnight and happy Saturday :)